V is for.

Are you there God (?), 
It's me, Margaret  Cristina. It's been x amount of days from my last post and I feel the need to say something new. But I can only think of two things right now, and they are: 1. I need to pass organic chemistry and 2. I hate that my boyfriend doesn't live in the same city as me. I wish to be happy and confident from now on, so please help me get through the next five semesters, and I'll do my very best to be my best. Thank you. 

How many problems are out there? If I could take them all: individual, friend, family, community, national, world...and there are plenty more places they stem from...: If I could put them out in space, I could fill up the universe, and we'd never see a finite number. And if I really wanted to put it in perspective for myself, I only worry about handling not even the smallest percentage of those problems, and feel ridiculously useless for wasting so much of my time and tears in worrying.
I've prevented myself to act in a proactive way because I'm fearful of failing, because I don't think I know how, because I just don't feel that I have those special genes in me to really run far with my ideas. I wonder too much on why I'm so scared. I spend to much time on blaming others, mostly my parents. I'm at an age where it's not too late.Where if a person wishes, they can rise above their own specific circumstance, so long as they try. Effort isn't the only key to success...but at least I could be moving forwards. I think I'm beginning to try more. This summer hasn't been a reflection of that entirely, but I know what needs to be done as soon as I get out of here. And I want it to happen.
My problems don't need solutions they need soul*utions. and quick!

 I wonder if people really do find love of Craig's list?...

LOL! http://miami.craigslist.org/brw/m4w/1209444050.html

 I miss Joanna : (

 I'm still alive. I still haven't any motivation to write a decent entry, but I'm working on it. I just feel like when I'm here at school all I do is school work and aimlessly search the internet.....I'm still here though.

Gates Makes a Point
Release the hounds! Actually, make that mosquitoes. Bill Gates, co-founder of Microsoft and one of the world's wealthiest people, made headlines this week when he released a cloud of mosquitos at a technology conference. The philanthropist was pointing out the dangers of malaria for the world's poor. "Malaria is spread by mosquitoes. I brought some here," he said. "There is no reason only poor people should be infected." Fortunately for the terrified attendees, the mosquitoes were malaria-free. 'Twas all a rouse. Bill Gates 1, Terrified Minions 0.
-Yahoo


I see a bit of Dwight Schrute in Bill Gates

Thanksgiving was delicious as always and I had a lot of fun with Joanna and Leyna. And I read Twilight. Which wasn't so bad. It actually wasn't bad at all. The movie sucked though. Traffic sucked ass coming home also. While we were stuck we passed by like five different accidents, one of them resulted in a bucket of someone's catch spilt all over the highway. There was seriously like a trail of dead fish scattered all over the ground, and all the cars were like driving around them... it was really bizzare. And then, my poor boyfriend, and his bad driving skills, hit a curb as we approached my dorm and got a bad tire. But it's all good. He's driving on that small little doughnut of a tire to Tally, as I type this. Anyhow.
These next last two weeks in the semester are going to go by fast. I have exams starting next week and I'm done by the 13th. What happened.
My eyes are red and I have no idea why. I guess I'm tired. I have no real reason to be tired. What hard work have I done since I got here...meh. One new year resolution: add vigor to my schedule.

can I borrow someone's New Moon?

So so so so. I don't know how this semester will turn out for me. I like being away from home, in the respect that i can do as I please. But I have definitely felt the loneliness more than ever. I haven't become apart of any new social networks, yet, and my schedule conflicts with everyone else dining time, so I eat alone more often than I want. I'd say it's a even divide between accompanied meal trips and unaccompanied meal trips to the dining hall. I've come to terms with this. I like UF though. There are a lot of nice friendly people here,or people who I think would be friendly if I started a conversation with them, the campus is prettier than what I imagined it to be, and my courses are pretty decent. Bicyclists suck though, they don't give a fuck if you are in there way. And fuck the Library West's elevator doors that chomp peoples arms, fingers, appendages, while trying to get in.
I've kind of forgotten all of this though this week, because I've been centering all my attention around chemistry. I stand with like a D+ right now, and I am working my ass of to pass this upcoming exam with a C so I can pass CHM2045 and move onto CHM2046. yay.
But when this testing period finally comes to an end, I know if I don't do something quick, It's going to be hard for me. I need some kind of change. Hopefully a new haircut will suffice, because I intend on that happening sometime in the very very near future.I feel like it's too late in the semester to get involved with some kind of club/etc. So I'm thinking I'll explore my options, and wait till spring semester to join, if anything sparks an interest . But what I really want most is a new friend.

Overall I want to rate my semester with a B-. much like my current grade in sociology.

I leave in two days. My room has been ripped apart, and I've managed to pack most of my belongings. Tools wise-I got most of the things I need before I go. Whatever else will be purchased this sunday after I unpack in my dorm. It's just strange leaving. Because since I was little I imagined what kind of day this would be...but of course nothing turns out the way you expect it. My parents aren't taking me. My dad has been in Orlando this entire summer helping my grandpa who's in the hospital under critical care. My mom will be staying at home trying to fix her life-her marriage-and taking care of the rest of the siblings. Joanna won't be in the picture. I mean she'll be there saying goodbye, but she's not coming to college with me. It's going to be weird..........

^ This was apparently an old draft livejournal saved. I meant to post this like August 16th. But the last time I actually posted a real entry was June 11th . That seems like a long time ago. A long long time ago.

What has happened since June 11th? Well... let me think.
The rest of June and the month of July I worked my last weeks at Quiksilver and slept a lot. I went to Gainesville July 17th for orientation and I bought my grandma a mug and my grandpa a shirt that said "Proud Grandparent of a Gator" or something neat like that, and I told my Grandpa (because he was a pretty big gator fan that he could wear that shirt on every game day). He was still in the Orlando hospital, in intensive care. I came home from that brief trip, and I'm pretty sure from that point in time my relationship with my step dad declined at an exponential rate. He yelled at me for being selfish and for leaving for school soon without considering to stay home to support the household...I told him he was an asshole (to his face! the first time I ever did..... and it felt pretty good!). Then the first week of August passed, and we had another fight, and he kicked me out. But I went back home while he was out of town. And then it was time for me to go to college! So I haven't spoken with him since.

The first week I moved up here it was pretty weird. I felt like I was on vacation, I had a lot of free time to explore. No chores. No job. So I just walked around with Laura and Nicole a lot. And then school started. School has moved quickly though. I'm not getting A's. I'm struggling in Chemistry (kinda) and a little with Pre-Calc, I have no idea what my Philosophy professor is telling me, but Sociology is easy and I'm pretty convinced my Chem Lab T.A. likes me...but I might have a big ego. And then I got a job, so my time is fairly divided into school and work throughout the week.

I've had a few chances to hang out with Sebastian and Joanna up in Tallahassee, and I really had fun both times. I'm still in love with my boyfriend and after watching Derrick and Meredith on Grey's Anatomy just now, I would like to "jump his bones" if he was here next to me. But I definitely see how college can change a person now and where everyone gets there skepticism about high-school relationships not lasting through their first year. I mean I understand why people would think the worse could happen-but I guess they really don't think its the worse...but that's a bunch of poop. really. I'm happy with how we are and where we are and I'd just like to keep it moving like that and let it grow at its own rate.

But between those last two paragraphs, I haven't really spoken to my family much. Mainly my mom and my younger siblings. It kinda makes me sad. I guess it supports the idea that i don't have the best relationship with my family...well parts of it. maybe mostly my mom. and I would like to be closer with her. I don't think I can now though. There are a lot of external influences that drive us apart. No. I repeat just one Big Spanish Breathing Manic Depressive Force that rhymes with Lauricio. I seriously have no idea how to deal with that.

Mmmmm. But as I was discussing what happened in the middle. I took my most recent trip to Tallahassee and on the Sunday morning I was to return to Gainesville, I got a very sad call from my dad, saying the my grandpa had passed away earlier that morning. cardiac arrest. induced, i'm sure by the several health problems he dealt with the last couple months of his life. it was really sad. that happened August 28th. My family had a service for him in California last week (because that's where most of my family is from) but we kitchen kids won't go to a service until the end of this month. It's a weird anticipation. I've never been to a funeral and I'm kind of nervous. I don't really think I've felt the full effects of his death....I don't know.

Like I don't know the direction of the rest of this entry. I'm just tired and restless. It's hard making new friends. I mean I'm not alone. I have my friends from high school here, but I definitely want to meet new people and at the same time I reallly miss my old people. So the time I've spent alone, because I don't have new friends to share the spare time I would share with them, I spend contemplating about my life and other personal worries. And quite frankly I'm quietly freaking out on the inside. Is sociology the best major for me? Do I want to practice medicine? What the fuck else would I want to do? What occupation would be good for me? ... I have no skills. I don't know what's going on in the world. And I think I want to vote for change. But I still think being a doctor would be pretty cool...But if I get a C in CHM2045. Im going to be pissed off. And I still haven't been able to go to one goddamn football game. fuck 100 dollar tickets.

I still have hope though. I know my problems. And I think I can solve them.